There are many ways of memorializing your pet and though a tattoo on the spine might not be for everyone, it spoke to me loud and clear. It symbolizes the incredible bond I shared with Angel, she’s “got my back” forever and the words I chose are what I whispered to her as she passed away in my arms. Though the tattoo is not the shape of an Angel, it is surely the most significant representation of the blessing my Angel was to me.
Roughly two months had passed since she left me and I was barely starting to be coherent and sociable. I had spent the first few weeks festering in a turmoil of despair, deep emotional pain and depression. Thankfully I had Nugget by my side, forcing me to focus on the care and needs of another being. After some consideration, I decided to contact my good friend Rocco, the owner of Tattoo Mania on Sunset Boulevard in LA. He said he would be honored to do it and I felt it was the perfect fit.
We packed up the truck and this was Nugget’s first road trip. It was good for me to get out of the home environment, where everything was a constant reminder that I no longer was greeted by Angel at the door, didn’t hear her nuzzling on Mr Piggy, her favorite toy, nor felt her big head next to me on my pillow at night. The void was palpable.
The rain was pouring down HEAVY when we approached the San Bernadino pass and whether it was the difficulty to see the road or my emotions getting the best of me, I don’t know. But I had a full blown panic attack while driving. All I could hear was my scream piercing through the air, tears streaming down my face and uncontrollable shaking from crying so hard. I had to pull over and compose myself, take a breath, or twenty, before feeling safe enough to continue driving. Words can not describe the physical pain I experienced, directly caused by my emotional state.
That was my first “sober” release. The weeks leading up to the trip, I was drowning my sorrows with anxiety medication and sleeping pills, unable to accept the loss and deal with reality. But knowing that I was driving, I wanted to make sure my mind was clear and that I was focused. And the time had come for me to face my fears and start healing.
After nervously getting ready at the hotel, I took a last look at the unmarked skin on my back and said good bye. There is no turning back now. I grabbed Nugget and jumped in a cab, zooming through West Hollywood, Tattoo Mania here we come!
It was so comforting to see my friend Rocco. He assured me I would be fine and his assistant made stencils of the font that I brought with my saying: “If My Heart Was Made Out Of Tears, You Would Float Away On A River Of Love”. Those words are so beautiful, heartfelt and truly unique to the unconditional love they represent between Angel and myself. After a few trials, we got it straight and I laid down on the table ready to get inked.
Let me tell you, when the needle first pierced the skin on my spine, I thought: “Wow, this is what it must feel like when a razor blade cuts your skin”! The spine is supposedly one of the most painful areas on your entire body to get a tattoo. But it wasn’t long before I almost drifted off into a twilight zone, Rocco even asked if I was OK, that’s how quiet and still I was. I can only explain it with a comparison between the emotional pain in my heart and the physical pain of the needle. The sound of the tattoo machine became soothing and with each drop of ink entering my skin, a small amount of despair was slowly fading away. When I got up, I was in a euphoric state and Nugget sealed it with some wet kisses.
This might be an extreme way of remembering your pet, but who is anyone to judge?! We all grieve differently and it’s important to honor YOUR journey. What helps you heal might not be right for someone else, and that’s OK. Just like the unique bonds we shared with our furbabies, we have equally unique journeys when dealing with the loss. Ultimately, you should do what makes you feel good. As for me, I am proud and honored to be The Girl With The Angel Tattoo.
10 thoughts on “The Girl With The Angel Tattoo”
Love the tattoo and the significance. Nice blog. Many dont get the fits of almost rage we get from our losses of our best furry friends. I have a big tattoo planned to commemorate my love of Fluffernutter and Vanillabean..just waiting for the artist to come to fl.
I can’t wait to see it!!! When you do, I would LOVE to feature you. So excited for you. It’s ALL about the beautiful memories. And you are right, the rage we feel is deep. It’s a sense of hopelessness of wishes we could have, should have, would have. But we must know that we did the best we could And they love us FUREVER for that.
I enjoyed this a lot. Not only was it articulate but it speaks from the heart. I can relate do to a recent loss and it lets me know that im not alone. Keep writing and ill keep reading. Thank you
Thank you so much. Yes, the pain when we loose a loved one is something out of this world. I know you can relate. I am sorry for your friend. It always feels like we are alone in our grief, that’s why it is important to share experiences and be able to relate for support. And hang in there, MANY stories will follow. 🙂
it was my honor to do this special and so important tattoo for you…youre a special person that has no equivalent in this world…im touched to know you and have you in my life…since the day we met in west hollywood at the hustler store ive known you to be a special human with a huge heart and i know that angel was your angel and she still is….
Those words means the WORLD to me and so do you. I wouldn’t have had anyone else do it. I am forever grateful that you are a part of my journey and I am so happy we met that day. Thank you for recognizing and thank you for creating a furever memory for me.
It’s a beautiful and meaningful piece to honor the memory of your Angel! Grief and loss are such a big part of life, it’s important to honor or process. Love!
Thank you girl. Yes, VERY meaningful. And whether we like it or not, it is a part of life coming to an end. I embrace it all. I choose to celebrate the memories instead of focusing on the immense sadness.
Wonderful story, wonderful memories and a wonderful woman!Much love to you! ❤️
Awww, bless your heart. Thank you for those kind words. Much love right back to you.